Those times I let the bullies win

The reason behind this article is to acknowledge my painful experiences and finally put it all behind.

I promised myself that I will write about this once and this will also be the last. The reason behind this article is to acknowledge my painful experiences and finally put it all behind.

I was in my first week as a Charge Nurse in one of the most established government hospitals in Dubai and one fateful day, an assistant nurse (who happens to work there for more than twenty years) informed me that the surgical team forgot to stamp the patient’s consent form. He instructed me to inform the doctor and I did just that. And I can still hear that roaring doctor’s voice and the exact words he yelled (yes, he shouted) towards me in the middle of the nurse’s station, “I am the god here! Who are you to tell me what to do?!” But the real twist in the story is that the medical stamp was with that assistant nurse, to begin with. If that is not an exemplary way of bullying, then I don’t know what to call it.

That went on for a good six months. It feels like I have a target on my back. You know that cliché “dragging oneself to work” – yes, that’s me during those excruciatingly long shifts. Fast forward, I grew so much as a professional during my stay in that company. My colleagues said I should be proud of myself because I worked hard and finally earned their respect. After all these years, now that I am reflecting on it – was it worth it? No. Was it necessary? No. Was it traumatizing? Yes.

I transferred from one company to another and I witnessed the same pattern of bullying and harassment. The bullying only takes the form of different people but the level of violence is just the same. It is very ironic that medical personnel habitually and easily label people as “stupid”, “doesn’t know anything”, “fake”, “moron” and other derogatory words they think to suit you. It is very interesting these people reduce your whole medical professional life into one word like “stupid.” It may not be directed to me now because I learned to handle it, but it is very present and it is prevalent; the concerning thing is, it remains unreported. Why? Ask management.

My Ward In-Charge witnessed that very incident and she said that the doctor is just like that; everyone experienced that in the ward and that is how we learn. I am not joking. She told me that. That is how you learn. That is how my manager handled the incident.

Here in Australia, I had a manager who would make excuses for the abusers. Upon reporting I was told that I should understand my colleague’s situation because he/she is having a rough time with his/her personal life; and the manager added that if it can be kept between the two of us. When the management makes excuses for the abusive staff, the management tolerates the abuse. The next day, I quit.

Once and for all – Nurses should stop thinking that striving to earn the respect of doctors and fellow nurses should include tolerating bullying and other forms of lateral violence;

that singling you out is part of professional growth;

that the only way to be a good nurse is to get on the good side of the doctors;

that being new to the workplace means they can abuse you;

that being brown means you have to work twice harder than whites. 

No. It has to stop.

But the reality on the floor is that it remains prevalent. While a lot of anti-bullying policies are being drafted, adapting it to the actual practice has been slow and its effect is almost non-existent. I still believe that these policies are effective when implemented by competent professionals and I had the pleasure to work in a company that did just that. But for the vast majority, it has a long way to go and in these increasingly stressful times of pandemic – the culture of bullying and violence in the healthcare world continues.